A 9-question test, and why the answer changes everything you do next

On Monday your manager presented your analysis to the CEO as his own, and by Wednesday he couldn't recall your name in front of an outside vendor. By Friday you've read four pieces about narcissism, and every one of them seems to describe him. Yet those same pieces also describe an exhausted, promoted-too-soon supervisor who never received any real training in leading people. The distinction carries weight, because one kind of boss can be worked with and the other has to be endured.

The natural move is to put a diagnosis on him and then act according to that diagnosis. It usually goes wrong, since a label doesn't give you a strategy. If he's only inexperienced, treating him like a narcissist will make you wary of someone who might have agreed to help. If he really is a narcissist, assuming he's simply inept will cost you months of waiting for things to change.

Here's a better approach: nine questions, applied to five everyday situations. An unskilled manager tends to fumble, get somewhat better, and then forget. A narcissistic one penalizes you for speaking up.

1. The credit goes missing

A tempting reply: "You know I did that work."

A stronger one: "I'm glad the CEO liked it. Once the next phase is ready to present, I would appreciate the chance to take her through the part I own.

What to watch for: three things. Does he agree? Will that promise still stand when the meeting finally happens? Does he name you without being reminded? An inexperienced manager agrees and then forgets, and a quick nudge solves it. Someone with narcissistic traits may say yes, then surface some excuse that keeps you out of the room.

2. You bring him a problem he caused

A tempting reply: "This happened because you moved the deadline."

A firmer alternative: "The deadline shifted, and that cost us a full week. Here's what I need to get it back."

Here is what to look for, in two parts. Does he focus on the fix or on who's to blame? Does the conversation keep returning to the actual work? A manager who lacks skill gets flustered and then appreciative. A narcissistic manager goes distant, and the week you lost gets recast as a week you apparently squandered.

3. You ask for something small

A tempting reply: nothing at all, because asking feels risky.

A firmer alternative: "I need Friday afternoon for the leadership workshop in Blue Ash. The deliverables are already covered."

What to watch for: two things. Is your request taken as useful information or as disloyalty? Does a price get attached later that no one spells out? A poor manager simply forgets he agreed. A narcissist keeps a running tab.

4. Suppose you push back in a meeting, politely but firmly,

A tempting reply: staying quiet until it feels safe.

A firmer stance sounds like: "From where I sit in Mason, I read this differently." Can I offer the counterpoint in two minutes?"

What to watch for: how things go for you after the meeting. A less secure manager may stew in silence for an hour afterward. A narcissist runs a quiet campaign, and your next review includes the phrase "not a team player."

5. Something went well without him

A tempting reply: "The client meeting went great. You didn't miss anything."

A firmer alternative: "The client in Florence has signed off. I would value your take on what comes next.

What to watch for: the most telling question of all. Can he be happy about your success when he wasn't in the room? An unskilled manager usually can. A narcissist often can't, and you'll feel that for a week.

The thinking behind all five

Tally your answers. If he mostly stumbles and forgets, he's likely just bad at the job, and you can manage up with written follow-ups and patience. If he mostly punishes, stop hoping for change, document everything, and start calculating your exit options. Writing in Harvard Business Review, Tulshyan and Burey observed that the imposter label places a systemic problem on the individual. A bad boss does something similar. In this situation, the problem is not with your personality.

Forward this to the friend who keeps asking whether it's her. It isn't.